Tradition
by YonderB
Summary: Gaara claims he is being attacked on a single day of the year by the same person, over and over again, and is terrified. Can Naruto wake up to witness the event? Ultra Crack. Written for my birthday.


It was a cool, calm and crisp January the eighth in the Hidden Village of Konoha. People were coming and going, saying hellos, goodbyes and belated Merry Christmases, the whole village bathed in a warm, golden glow.

Two people of whom this did not account for, was Gaara and Naruto.

"Why exactly did you have the urge to come and visit me, again?" drawled the slanty-eyed nin, scratching his messy head of golden hair, sprawled across his couch, sleep in the corners of his eyes.

"Impulse." stated the red-head, saying nothing more, teal eyes glancing around the small apartment as though he expected something to explode, the suna nin standing ankle-deep in dirty, smelly clothes and discarded ramen cups.

Naruto let out a snort, mouth wide open, eyes closed, foot twitching.

He was asleep again.

Gaara thinned his lips in aggravation, but said nothing, removing his gourd to bury it under a mountain of Naruto's dirty clothing, teal eyes continuously snapping around the apartment.

"Gaara?"

"_GYEAGH!_"

Naruto started awake with a snort, to find Gaara sitting on his lap and clinging to him, his scarlet head whipping this way and that, as though looking for something.

Naruto stifled a yawn, before addressing the nin that was currently sitting on him. "G-Gaara?"

Said suna-nin uttered a soft shriek and sprang off Naruto, scrambling away until his back was pressed against the wall, teal eyes as wide as they could be.

"Gaara?" Naruto repeated, golden eyebrows raised.

Something clicking in the suna-nin's head, Gaara let out a simple whimper and placed two shaking hands to his face, the young medium rocking from side to side in woe.

"What's going on?" Naruto blinked, standing up and wading through his mess of clothing, over to his upset comrade.

"She's coming...!" Gaara uttered from behind his hands, slightly muffled, Naruto merely blinking at him. "She's _coming!_" Gaara wailed.

Naruto patted him on the shoulder, blue eyes slightly wide. "Who will? Why?"

"Never asked her name, but--" Gaara raised his head from his hands, and Naruto was amazed to see tiny tears of misery in the corners of his eyes, "Every year on the eighth of january, she comes, and she attacks me! It's like a tradition!"

Naruto's eyes widened even more, and he raised both hands, clasping them on the other nin's shoulders, looking him strait into the eye –Naruto was thankful he was slightly taller than _someone_– and said in a slow, steady voice;

"It'll be fine. It'll be _alright_."

Naruto's door swung open with a bang.

"DEAR GOD, _SHE'S COME!_" Gaara screamed, collapsing onto all fours and flinging both arms over his head.

Naruto blinked at the door, to see a somewhat baffled Sakura standing there.

"Uh... Should I come back later?" Sakura blinked, staring at the shaking ball of black and red by Naruto's feet.

Naruto thought for a moment, before leaning over and poking Gaara sharply in the spine. "Oi. What does this person look like? The one that attacks you?"

"Brown hair. Brown eyes. Cake in one hand, soda in the other." uttered Gaara, somehow having gotten himself buried under a foot of Naruto's dirty clothing, his voice muffled.

Naruto blinked. "Doesn't sound like no assassin i've heard of."

Sakura blinked from the doorway, before turning and walking off, a blank look upon her face.

"Look, whoever is coming for you, for whatever reason, they're not here, Gaara!" Naruto barked, flinging his hands into the air. Gaara slowly emerged from the carpet of dirty clothing, a pair of orange boxer shorts caught on his head, his teal eyes fixed up at Naruto with an unwavering, pleading look.

"You... _sure_?" murmured the suna-nin.

Naruto nodded resolutely, placing his hands on his lips, jaw set.

Gaara slowly rose to his feet, the boxer shorts falling back to the sea of dirty clothing, Gaara's eyes cautiously snapping about the room. Eventually, after checking for booby-traps and the sort about Naruto's home, Gaara relaxed, letting out a gentle sigh of relief.

Almost as though they had been waiting, there was a yell.

"_GAARA!!!_"

Gaara let out a shriek as a blur of white, brown and blue whizzed into the room, latched onto him, and squealed.

"_GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!_" squawked Gaara the thing still latched to his side, pure terror written all over his face. "_GETIT**OFF!!!**_"

Naruto stared, as the thing unlatched itself from Gaara, and skipped out the door, leaving a trail of birthday cake crumbs behind them, the soft singing of '_happy birthday to me_' wafting into Naruto's ears.

"What..." the blonde murmured, turning to see Gaara sitting in the corner of his living-room, whimpering and clutching his hair.

"You said she _attacked_ you." Naruto stated, blue eyes slightly wide.

"She _DOES._" roared Gaara, teal eyes flashing golden, pointing strait at his forehead.

Naruto stared, eyes getting wider and wider, his legs carrying him closer to Gaara, until he was nearly nose-to-nose with him.

"_'Property of YonderBeyonder for the duration of her birthday.'_" Naruto read aloud, staring at the slightly curled black writing sprawled across Gaara's forehead.

"That's not _all_ she does." Gaara hissed, steam practically hissing out his ears.

Naruto straitened up. "What else does she do?"

"GAARA! _BIRTHDAY-DRESS-UP-TIME!_"

"_DEAR **GOD!!!**_" Gaara screamed, before yanking his gourd from it's place under a mountain of dirty clothes, before launching himself out of Naruto's window, running away as fast as he can.

Naruto blinked simply at the window, before he felt a presence beside him, and he looked over to see a young girl, sixteen years of age today, standing beside him, wide grin on her face, her brown hair in plaits.

Naruto stared at her, and she turned his attention to him, her brown eyes glinting with morbid amusement. Naruto's jaw dropped with scandalized shock, and she merely gave him a wink.

"What can I say? It's a tradition." she said happily, taking a bite out of her chocolate cake.

Naruto merely shrugged and plucked her soda from her hand and gulped down some, blue eyes fixed on Gaara's blurred silhouette, which was quickly disappearing into the horizon.

((END. I wrote this for my birthday, which was today. Just to amuse myself. XD I feel sorry for Gaara. Don't you? X3 Gaara is so OOC it's painful, but, just try to ignore that. xD))


End file.
